First Day Back

Hello again, friends! I know it’s been a while since I have updated last, but I have been dealing with some personal issues and haven’t had a chance to.

Joshua will be four months old on Saturday! I can’t believe he’s already that old.  We have been so blessed that he is such a good baby! He has been sleeping through the night since he was just a few weeks old, and even though he’s had it rough with his health, he is quick to smile and laugh (just like his big brother!)! Josh weighed 11lbs, 1oz at his last appointment on Thursday.  He is still in the 1st percentiles for height and weight for his age.  We have been going every week for weight checks and will continue that until further notice.  We still have no idea what is making him spit up and stuff so much.  All of the tests that we have done have come back negative.  No pyloric stenosis.  No B12 deficiencies or anemia.  No food allergies or intolerances.  No genetic markers.  His reflux scan showed a minimal amount of reflux.  The doctors here decided that they can’t do anything further, except keeping a check on Josh’s weight and keeping him on his medicines, so they have set up an appointment with the GI specialist in Little Rock at Children’s.  The bad news is that the first available appointment isn’t until October 19.  Until then, we will be keeping him on the Zantac twice a day, Reglan three times a day, and thickening his formula with the thick-IT.  Josh is a little behind on his milestones, as well, and I will be talking to the doctor about that at his appointment on Friday.

Mikey is doing fantastic! He is up to 27lbs and 34.5″ tall! It absolutely amazes me how well he talks for only being 2.5! He can hold entire conversations with us now, and he speaks so clearly! We have really started pushing the potty training the last few weeks.  He is doing so well with it.  Yesterday, he only had two wet accidents all day.  Mikey is getting to where he will tell us that he needs to go pee-pee in the potty.  He knows all of his colors, can count to 10 in order, and we are working on learning shapes and the alphabet.  Mikey also has a handful of books that he knows really well, and can tell you exactly what is going on on each page!

After Josh was born, I struggled a lot with severe postpartum depression.  I did not feel that instant warm and fuzzy, overwhelming love for him like I did with Mikey.  For a long time, I wasn’t sure if I loved Josh or not.  I felt absolutely no bond with him whatsoever.  I tried breastfeeding, and had more success with it this time than I did with Mikey, but even then, I didn’t bond with him.  I felt absolutely terrible.  What kind of mom doesn’t feel that love for her child? I knew that I loved Josh, but I just didn’t FEEL it.  After weeks of extremely negative thoughts and hating myself for everything, I finally reached out and sought professional help.  My doctor put me on Paxil, an antidepressant and anti-anxiety medicine.  I saw a therapist and she gave me some things to try at home whenever I started to have anxiety or any negative thoughts.  It’s been about 6 weeks since I started my medicine and I am doing much better.  I’m still not at 100%, but I’m definitely feeling better.  The PPD threw me for a loop, because I never had even a slight bout of baby blues with Mikey.  I have started to really bond with Josh and I am FEELING that love that I knew was there all along.

Today is my first day back at work since I was 30 weeks pregnant.  I was put on bedrest then, due to Josh trying to come early.  After Josh was born, he had all these medical issues, so I couldn’t work until they started getting a little better.  Now, he is not spitting up nearly as much, and I feel comfortable leaving him for a while.  It is odd being here at the office.  It’s very quiet.  I am actually able to sit down and relax a little bit.  At home, even when both kids are taking a nap (at the same time), I am busy.  I have laundry to do, dishes to clean, counters to clear off, floors to sweep and mop, beds to be made, toys to be picked up, kids to feed and play with.  It’s never-ending.  It’s nice to be able to sit and have some time for myself for once.  I miss my babies horribly, though.  I will be glad for Friday, when I can stay home with them again!

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